Then Hillary Clinton magically appeared, like Glinda in the Wizard of Oz except wearing a pantsuit. She asked the convention to nominate Obama by acclaim, which the convention did, and the band kicked into the O’Jays’ hit song Love Train, which is about the urgent need to bring the world together in peace and harmony, and also to drink Coors Light beer.
Immediately everybody in the convention hall except Wolf Blitzer started dancing. I’ve been to every convention since 1984, and I have to say that Democratic delegates always manage to look good when they engage in group “rock-n-roll”-style dancing, in stark contrast to Republican delegates, who always look like they’re subjects in some kind of cruel mass experiment involving random-firing high-voltage buttock probes.
But the American nation does not choose its president on the basis of the musical abilities of his party’s delegates. The American nation chooses its president based on whether he exhibits certain key leadership qualities, such as height.
Obama is also taller than McCain. This means he’ll have more personal success in life.