U.S. Attorney General Struck Down By God for Advocating Torture

Here’s the account…

According to this trusted eyewitness, events transpired roughly as follows.

Attorney General Mukasey was roughly twenty minutes into a speech defending the administration’s torture policies and particularly arguing against prosecutions of people who made decisions in the aftermath of 9/11 (essentially arguing against what he believed amounted to the criminalization of policy differences).

Some seven or eight minutes prior to the incident a heckler start shouting, calling Mukasey a “tyrant.” But the AG seemed unfazed by this; and members of the audience shouted the heckler down.

The eyewitness tells me that Mukasey seemed particularly in earnest about the argument he was making. And when he first began to falter it appeared he was merely choking up. Soon, though, what first appeared to be choking up blended into slurred words. Twenty to thirty seconds later he collapsed, his fall broken by a nearby FBI agent.

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Oh, and for those of you wondering about the title…this is exacly how this story would have been passed around during the time ye Olde Bible was written.

What’s funny about this is the “Department of Justice” (put in quotes because after Gonzales…I think it might be misnamed) then lied to the American People about what had happened.

“At the conclusion of his remarks before the Federalist Society Annual Dinner in Washington, D.C., Attorney General Michael B. Mukasey collapsed.“Upon his collapse, emergency first aid was rendered by the Attorney General’s security detail and a doctor who was on the scene.

“The Attorney General arrived at George Washington University Hospital shortly thereafter.

“The Attorney General is conscious, conversant and alert. His vital statistics are strong and he is in good spirits. He is receiving excellent care and appreciates all of the good wishes and prayers he has received. The doctors will keep him overnight for further observations.

“We will update the public when we have additional information.”

That bolded part is a lie.  It was during his speech, not at the conclusion.  Yes, he stopped after collapsing, so I guess you could call it a conclusion, but the way they phrase it…it’s a lie.

Which is where we find ourselves, a Department of Justice that first spends it’s time defending the use of torture, and then lies about God taking offense.

UPDATE:  Here’s the video of him having the….stroke?

And if you too, want to push your mind to collapse.  Try to justify waterbaording….like this…

Don’t Trust That Guy, Yo. Dat Cat’s Got Two Faces

See, told ya.

This is where the phrase, “Here, kitty, kitty” comes from.

Cerberus is unimpressed.  And probably based on something of a true story, as I’ve also seen two-headed cows and two-headed turtles before.