Dumbest Challenge Ever? (Cowboys / Niners)

 Watching the Cowboys game this afternoon and wondering how much longer Wade Phillips is going to have a job.  Not that he’s done anything too stupid, oh wait, he just made the dumbest challenge to an on-field call that I think I’ve ever seen.

[snip]

Luckily, Romo to T.O. still works great.  Man, I love watching that guy fight for yards.   He’s a dang thoroughbred.  Good work.  7-6 Cowboys.

Hehe, Aikman just called him a “quarterhorse”, which is probably more accurate than the thoroughbred label.  Ocho Cinco is probably closer to that breed built for speed.  T.O. is just an absolute beast.

[snip]

Sack to sack…DeMarcus Ware continues to obliterate QB’s….blocked punt…safety….nice change of momentum.

9-6 Cowboys.

[snip]

This is a fun game for rules-checks.  Already Wade Phillips learned what a “natural step” is (a toe landing in-bounds doesn’t matter when the heel hits out of bounds) and now we get the updated primer of scrambling passes thrown to a receiver near the line of scrimmage.  As I linebacker, I think I remember being coached on this particular set of cirumstances.   I believed we used the phrase “light ’em up” (i.e. HULK SMASH).

There’s not many times when you can smash a reciever on a route, but this is one of ’em.  The other common one is with tipped passes.

[snip]

Oooh, get another safety, please!  I can’t remember the last game I saw where a team got two safeties….didn’t happen, but I’ll take the field goal.

12-6 Cowboys

[snip]

Tack on another one.

15-6 Cowboys.

[snip]

Zach Thomas gets the fumble recovery on the botched QB-center exchange…and just got robbed of a touchdown.  Wow….what a horribly blown call.

[snip]

Touchdown!  And the football gods are sated.  Nice work, Martellus.   The football gods get angry when the refs steal points, or when coaches cheat (see: Patriots, New England).  Now they are momentarily satisfied.

22-6 Cowboys.

[snip]

Pop!  Michael Robinson meet Brady James.  Nice hit.

And with that, the Niners take it to the locker-room to re-group.

[halftime]

The rout is on.  At 12:04 left in the 3rd quarter, the Cowboys go up 29-6 on a touchdown pass to Patrick Crayton.   Barring a mass abduction of the Cowboys defense by aliens, this one is pretty much over.

This is almost good enough to make me forget the news that Felix Jones is going to be out for the rest of the season.

IRVING – The rookie season of first round draft choice Felix Jones has come to an end.

The Cowboys running back will have surgery to repair a torn ligament beneath his left big toe and will miss the rest of the season.

Jones, who declined comment, injured the toe on Nov. 7, when he slipped on the grass at the Cowboys’ practice facility. He was recovering from a partially torn left hamstring when the latest setback occurred.

“He was extremely and visibly disappointed that he wouldn’t be able to play, and he is just by nature such a hard worker,” Cowboys owner and general manager Jerry Jones said. “There’s really not a hard decision here. He needs to do this, and in our opinion, he’s got a promising future.”

Coach Wade Phillips said the recovery time is expected to be six months.

[full story]

This is too bad because getting back Jones, who had proved himself to be a threat for anywhere on the field,  right before the playoffs would have been a huge bonus to an already stacked offense.  With T.O., Roy Williams, Jason Witten, Tony Romo, and Marion Barber already on the field, adding in Felix jones would have been the icing on a well-baked cake.

UPDATE: Final score: Cowboys 35 – Niners 22.

Good game, fellas.

Duh-du-duuuuu-duh. Hey, You Suck (Cowboys v. Redskins II)

Staying at home tonight and watching the Cowboys game.  I did a bit about the previous meeting between the two rivals before, you can catch up on that here.

So I’m watching the game and listening to Madden and Michaels do their thing like they do (and have been doing forever), and I heard the crowd chanting in the background.  It’s one of those classic sports songs ( Duh-du-duuuu-duh…Hey!… ). The Redskins fans had done an outstanding job of staying all together and on tune and it was very impressive to hear them yell “You Suck” in time with the music.

Well done, you despicable bastards.

(Cowboys just took the lead 14-10….and Santana Moss just dropped a bomb…thank you…Moss tears up the Cowboys every time they play)

UPDATE: And we’ve got a final, 14-10.  Welcome back, Tony.  Good to have you.

Hope you get a victory BJ tonight.

Fire Brad Johnson

I’m watching football (it’s Sunday, it’s Fall…this is natural) and I’m watching my Cowboys, and I’m watching Roy Williams (whom I like as much as the other Roy Williams for much the same reasons…their first names their bad-assedness) make a one-handed catch for 30 yards down the field to ignite offense.

Then I watch Brad Johnson throw a HORRID 5-yard slant that gets picked off by the Giants and it’s 70 yards the other direction.

Fire him. Fire him now.

And now the commercial break is over and I feel better having registered my frustration on the Internet within moments.

UPDATE: Leeeroy Jenkins!!!! For the pick and the touchdown.

Oh, wait. His first name is Mike. That’s all right, I’m sticking with calling him LeeRoy. LeeRoy Jenkins.

14-7 Giants.

UPDATE2: Interception 2. Fire him. Now. You had a good career. That probably should have ended 2 years ago.

UPDATE3: I got bored with the game. Watched this mash-up and felt better.

21-7.  Giants.

UPDATE4: Mike “LeeRoy” Jenkins just gave up a touchdown by, uh, *not* attacking. Mike, I know you’re a rookie, but when a running back is running straight toward you, TACKLE HIM!

35-14. Giants.  Final.

Ugh.  Tony, come on back now.  Ya hear?

Coulda Had A Whole Poetry Thing Going For You (Ravens/Pittsburgh…and football update)

Watching MNF again….trying to…Tony Kornheiser keeps talking…and it hurts.

That title is a quote of his, BTW. [previous observations concerning the football commentating skils of one Anthony Irwin “Tony” Kornheiser]

Let’s see what other brain-piercing pieces of wisdom he has for us….(yes…this is blogging as therapy).

While we’re at it, and for the therapy part, I just want to acknolwedge the near-flawless performance by the Washington Redskins in Dallas on Sunday.  Congrats, you despicable bastards.  Now get back to D.C. and go scalp some politicos, if you don’t mind. 

I knew the Cowoys had a problem when all five of the Fox jackasses (including a decently funny Frank something or other) picked them to win during the pre-game show.  I’m curious how often all five are wrong….I’d expect it to be a great deal more often than when all five are right…since it’s a whole lot easier.*  But such is how statistics and football work… 😉 

Speaking of football, here’s a nice pic from the weekend.

Oh, and a good story about the incredible number of college football upsets there were.

This past week those in the college football world noticed an astonishing turn of events. USC lost its golden armor, UGA lost their strength, Florida lost its super powers, and the rabid badgers could not handle the rabid wolverines. This past weekend was the end of the road for one team and the beginning for some.

[full post]

It was a good weekend for football, except for the Cowboys losing and the sad fact that “Monday” now means Kornheiser.

“In depth analysis, by me!”  Ughh.

“Last year we had Spy-gate, this year we have Eye-gate.”  [crickets].   I’ve mentioned my dislike for *-gate constructions, right?  May I reiterate it here?  Thanks.

 “I took high-school Spanish, and that either means ‘nobody is going to touch him’ or ‘could you pick up my dry cleaning in the morning.’”  Good one, jerkoff.  O.k….this was from a couple weeks ago.   You caught me stacking the deck.

Nice, next he calls Big Ben Roethlesberger a “drama queen” for getting injured as an NFL quarterback after nearly dying in a motorcycle accident.  He also tries to pass it off as “some writers said”.  This from a guy who, and if I may stress this, has never taken a hit in his life.

Observations on the first half: This Flacco character looks to be a solid player.  I hadn’t ever seen him play before, but his first touchdown pass in the NFL was a pretty one.  And of course I love watching Ray Lewis play linebacker.  If you ever wondered how the position is supposed to be played, watch Mr. Lewis.

UPDATE: Well, that’s how quick things can turn.  I was about to mention how Mr. Lewis, at linebacker, had taken over the game in the late fourth quarter and overtime with a tipped pass, good pressure, and sure tackling.  Then Big Ben completed a pass right smack dab in the middle of the field (Ray’s Place) off some good play action and put the Steelers in field goal territory.  Then they slip and go nearly out of field goal territory.  Then they move back into fgt….and….GODDAM IT.  I thought they made that crap illegal.

Time out by the kid coach of the Ravens.

“It’s Good.” Steelers win.

And that, my friends, is why it’s so hard for five experts to be right about the same game.

UPDATE: I just wanted to mention something else about Mr. Lewis.  It turns out that running into him is literally like running into a brick wall.

The Pittsburgh Steelers beat the Baltimore Ravens in overtime Monday night but lost two players to season-ending injuries.

Rookie tailback Rashard Mendenhall suffered a fractured left shoulder and guard Kendall Simmons injured the Achilles’ tendon in his right foot. Both players will be placed in the injured reserve list, according to the team.

[full story]

This happend on a play where Rashard Mendenhall has a nice open hole in the line and ran straight into Ray Lewis.  I’ll see if I can find the highlight.  It looked like a fairly normal, hard hit.  The only difference was that it was Ray Lewis he ran into, and not a normal man.  [searching for video evidence….]

 

———

* for all five to be right, all five have to pick correctly.  For all five to be wrong, only one of them must do so.  Beware unanimous decisions, groupthink is a subtle and powerful influence.

How Do I Turn Off Tony Kornheiser?

Tony Kornheiser was a passable general sportcaster and I guess a decent columnist at some point in his career.

I never read his crap so I can’t say for sure.  After having to listen to him on Monday Night Football for a couple years, now I just want to punch him in the balls.  Repeatedly.  Until he shuts up.

He has an obvious chip on his shoulder against the Cowboys, which is fine, all sorts of idiots do, but he’s also one of my biggest pet peeves in sportscasters….ones who never played the game (second behind people who played for the Redskins named Joe Theisman).

Why can’t I have Troy Aikman and Big Head do the commentary?  Oh yeah….because everyone in the country who has cable has to pay for ESPN and they had enough cash to buy Monday Night Football.  And ESPN picked some fast-talking northerner who they already had on contract.

Yet the questions remains…how do I turn off Tony Kornheiser?  Maybe just filter his comments?  Replace his voice with a computerized one and random words?  Maybe with the auto-announcer from Madden?  I’m not talking about whacking him or anything, I just want to never hear his voice again and think it should be against federal law to transmit it over the airwaves.

BTW, so far the Cowboy/Eagle game has been pretty classic, with two idiotic plays and three amazing ones, in the first half.

Go Cowboys.

Oh, and by the way, jackass Kornheiser, real fans in Dallas don’t “assume” the Superbowl.  We just want to make it to the playoffs and win one game there.  What happens after that is after that.  Baby steps.

You see..we actually know football down here…unlike your yankee ass.

Damn Redskin fans.

UPDATE: What a dickhole.  If I had had Tony Kornheiser censored I woldn’t have heard about Andy Reed’s sons in jail, again.   Why bring that up again?  What does that have to do with the game of football?  Damn tabloid “journalist”.  STFU.

UPDATE2: The Cowboys won 41-37 in a classic, marred forever by any number of asinine observations, topped by the biggest whopper of them all.  When it was all said in done, summed up in the way on he can, Tony Kornheiser was heard to cliche, “How ’bout ‘dem Cowboys.”

I threw my TV out the window.

It was the quickest way I could solve the problem.  Tony, I’m sending you the bill.

More of the first weekend of Football season (More on why I love football)

Just wanted to say real quick to new readers, in addition to my passion to figuring out the hell is going on in the world, I enjoy a good game of football.  If I’m jones’in, then I really enjoy even a mediocre game of football.

I don’t particularly enjoy Arean football, but that’s another story.

This weekend we got to see Brett “the Jet” Favre join the ranks of the unbeaten, Tom “Babby Daddy” Brady (and all of New England/Boston) got his (their) unfortunate (deserved) comeuppance, the Panthers had a “Hail Sarah” answered, the Cowboys won, and it was the weekend the Refs took over College Football.

To follow-up, Brett…good luck, it wasn’t a dirty play, the Cowboys won large(:-), and Refs, can’t play without ’em, can’t hit ’em.  But they do sometimes make for good conversationalists.*

If you have any other highlights from the weekend, especially from collegio, feel free to share.

* I played for 10 years, from 6th-16th grade, mostly middle/inside linebacker.  I had a few fun conversations with refs over the years.  My favorite was saying “What?! He spit in my face!” after I had slapped an opposing quarterback upside the head after he came up jawing, getting a first down inside our ten, late in a close game.  He hadn’t spit in my face, but my face was wet, and a bit bloody.  It’s not real football without blood, as Tony Romo proved today.  But let’s get back to my glory days for a moment, if I might.

It had been raining for days in St. Louis and the field was a mess.  It happened right here, a little less than 12 years ago.  It was my first senior year in college and we were undefeated at the start of the game.  I don’t recall exactly, but I think they might have been as well.

It was a very close game.  They had already missed two short field goals, and led 12-10 in the fourth quarter.  When the aforementioned head-smacking incident happened they had a first and goal.  They were determined to win, we were determined to stop them.  Kind of rock meets hard place kind of situation.  Like every single play in football, from peewee to pro.

We stopped ’em, in four downs, on the three or so.  I got a stinger on second down, they called a timeout before third and feeling returned before they came back on the field.  We blasted ’em, two yards deeps in the back field on third, our tackle stunt occupied their inside and two backers (me included) came hard to fill the gap.  On fourth down they tried a swing pass and our d-end, corner, and weakside backer converged to end their drive.

Our offense took the ball and drove down the field.  All I really remember of the drive is that we kicked a 42(3?)-yard fiend goal to win, 13-12.  For reals.  In 1996, against Washington University in St. Louis.

It was the brightest moment in my football career, and one of the highlights of Trinity’s, until this happened.

There’s another ole football story about the field where that play happened.  It happened to be the last place I played…and lost (Trinity/Millsaps, same year).   I was *very* happy to see the place redeemed and the curse removed (Another Roy had some…issues since I was there, and I was there at that one too…note the first comment…that’s one of mine from six years ago…weird.).

BTW, and just as a quick FYI.  I didn’t mean to go thorugh this story when I started this post.  Sometimes it’s great fun to write…especially when you have interyoutubes to play with.

Oh My Do I Love Football Season

I just wanted to say how happy I am that football season is finally back.   Football season has a special place deep in the heart of many Texans, and not only because it’s our state religion.  No, the reason football has a special place in our hearts is because it is the signal, much like the native pyramids of Central America, that summer is nearly over.

At least the really hot part of summer.  Now, with football season back, we are into the milder “Second Summer” that Texans know and love (for those in say…the northeast…our Second Summer is much like your original one.  Our real summers are like hell.)

With all that crap being said, let me move onto the real point of this post…pointing out the Dallas Cowboys beat the Cleveland Browns, 28-10.

It was tough to see Marion Barber go down, and extremely difficult to watch that Tony Romo Pepsi™ commericial, but a ‘w’ is a ‘w’ and Felix Jones looks to be amazing.  T.O. got his requisite penalty and Jason Witten owned the middle of the field.

I’m looking forward to see what the Boys can do this year, although I’m not one of those idiots who expect a Superbowl appearance.  I’d be very, very happy with a playoff win, which the Cowboys haven’t had since I was in college.  Get there first, win a game, then we’ll talk rings.