How Do I Turn Off Tony Kornheiser?

Tony Kornheiser was a passable general sportcaster and I guess a decent columnist at some point in his career.

I never read his crap so I can’t say for sure.  After having to listen to him on Monday Night Football for a couple years, now I just want to punch him in the balls.  Repeatedly.  Until he shuts up.

He has an obvious chip on his shoulder against the Cowboys, which is fine, all sorts of idiots do, but he’s also one of my biggest pet peeves in sportscasters….ones who never played the game (second behind people who played for the Redskins named Joe Theisman).

Why can’t I have Troy Aikman and Big Head do the commentary?  Oh yeah….because everyone in the country who has cable has to pay for ESPN and they had enough cash to buy Monday Night Football.  And ESPN picked some fast-talking northerner who they already had on contract.

Yet the questions remains…how do I turn off Tony Kornheiser?  Maybe just filter his comments?  Replace his voice with a computerized one and random words?  Maybe with the auto-announcer from Madden?  I’m not talking about whacking him or anything, I just want to never hear his voice again and think it should be against federal law to transmit it over the airwaves.

BTW, so far the Cowboy/Eagle game has been pretty classic, with two idiotic plays and three amazing ones, in the first half.

Go Cowboys.

Oh, and by the way, jackass Kornheiser, real fans in Dallas don’t “assume” the Superbowl.  We just want to make it to the playoffs and win one game there.  What happens after that is after that.  Baby steps.

You see..we actually know football down here…unlike your yankee ass.

Damn Redskin fans.

UPDATE: What a dickhole.  If I had had Tony Kornheiser censored I woldn’t have heard about Andy Reed’s sons in jail, again.   Why bring that up again?  What does that have to do with the game of football?  Damn tabloid “journalist”.  STFU.

UPDATE2: The Cowboys won 41-37 in a classic, marred forever by any number of asinine observations, topped by the biggest whopper of them all.  When it was all said in done, summed up in the way on he can, Tony Kornheiser was heard to cliche, “How ’bout ‘dem Cowboys.”

I threw my TV out the window.

It was the quickest way I could solve the problem.  Tony, I’m sending you the bill.

3 thoughts on “How Do I Turn Off Tony Kornheiser?

  1. Now, now, now…let’s not forget Dennis Miller.

    He set the bar pretty low. I mean, like, dig to China kind of low.

    If the bar he set was the temperature, the universe would freeze solid.

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