Here’s the video and the transcript is below… I think this is the original website.
Below is the transcript, with the translations and Canadian/French cultural primers (yes, they were mocking her VERY HARD).
If anyone, and I mean anyone, thinks this woman should be anywhere near a button with the word “nukular” on it, you are FUCKING INSANE. We’re beyond mere PDS here. And, unlike the nasty, nasty, bullshit attacks coming from the McCain campaign (OMG!!! Obama is the next Hitler!!! No shit, they are saying that. Guess to whom?) this is one where we have real, actual evidence of the general theme that Palin is painfully unqualified to be in, or even near, the oval office.
I hereby officially accept this gift from God as my birthday president (which was on Halloween). You all know what I asked for, and I think this is going to assure that I get it (knocks on the wood, and says a quiet “thanks”).
[note: this transcript was taken from a comment thread on Daily Kos. If you notice any errors, please let me know. Like Palin, I don’t speak French. Unlike Palin, I’ve actually seen Hustler’s “Who’s Nailin’ Paylin“. But the guy is wrong, it’s not edgy. Just your standard Alaskan Governor brings in two wayward Russian soldiers out of the cold, then gets double-teamed by them love story.]
[UPDAPTE: Some background on the humor from what seems to be an actual Canadian (I hear they have the internet now)]
bobbette 2008-11-02 03:10:30 AM Ach, I forgot this went green!
I want to post some of the most failicious things about this interview, for non-Canadians and non-French speaking folks
1. Sarah Palin’s foreign policy experience. Canadians noted with derision that she claimed our border with Alaska made her experienced in Canadian policy. I think the only leader from Canada she’s met is the guy who runs the Yukon, a territory of 31,000 hearty people that is right next to Alaska.
– The Prime Minister of Canada, Stephen Harper, just got reelected TWO WEEKS ago and even though our election was quite boring, this was still duly reported in all of the international press. He’s also a Conservative and sort of in love with Bush/Cheney ideas and style, and he’s got to be pretty choked that Sarah Palin can’t even get his name right tonight. He’s been in power for two years now, and he hails from the province Palin probably had most private sector dealings with in negotiating her pipeline – Alberta. She really, really, really, really should have known that one.
– The Prime Minister/Premier (they mean the same in French – premier ministre) of Québec is Jean Charest. Anyway, I forgive her, mostly, for being confused about Jean Charest. He is only the Premier of Canada’s second-largest province and is important for a serious U.S. politician, who is interested in the leaders of the provinces that border the United States and/or economic/trade policy, to be roughly familiar with, kind of like how a Mexican Presidential candidate should probably know who Bill Richardson is. His province is also partly in the Arctic, so she should have some familiarity with other Arctic-bordering jurisdictions… Now, this brings up the other issue: why the hell would any Premier of Québec be going to Palin rallies?
2. Sarah Palin knows fark-all about France:
– Faux-Sarko: “I was elected in France because I’m real”. HAHAHAHAHA! No. Sarko is the exact opposite of working class you-betcha style. His style is more, “The little people are so beneath me.”
– I have never heard of a Parisian who hunts. Warning bells!
– Marcel, the guy with bread under his armpit, oui: Should be mega-warning bells. This is just the radio host mocking Parisians as well as Sarkozy and Palin now.
3. The jokes in French were brilliant:
– “Frank L’Ouvrier”, Sarko’s assistant, means “Frank the Manual Labourer”, a takeoff on that Joe the Plumber thing
– Stef Carse, the name they gave her for Stephen Harper, is this god-awful country singer who covered Billy Ray Cyrus’s “Achy Breaky Heart” in French in the 90s. It’s hilarious because Harper is sort of perceived as a wannabe American/Bush-style cowboy
– Richard Z. Sirois is a Quebec humourist, mostly on radio
– “On pourrait tuer des bébés phoques aussi”, we could kill some baby seals as well. From the popularly perceived (outside Canada) “barbaric” hunt of seals. In Canada, people do not really care except PETA types. Still it is a general standard impression here of people getting all butthurt about killing things in a brutal way.
– “du rouge à lèvres sur une cochonne”- Lipstick on a pig is the translation straight up, but “cochonne” in French means like… incredibly nasty in bed. They basically called her a dirty ho with the implication she’d do anything in the sack, the filthier the better.
3. She has no idea how to deal with foreign leaders, OMFG.
– How appropriate is it for a Vice President to inform a President of France that she and McCain “love him”? Before they’re in a close relationship, should she really introduce herself as “This is Sarah”?
– How many foreign leaders would really make a “LOL, Don’t bring Cheney! He’ll shoot me in the face!” in the first conversation between them? Plus saying his wife is hot in bed?.. Really.
– Almost all of her responses to Sarko were complete non sequiturs. Why can’t she have a conversation? Wouldn’t she want to ask HIM anything?
4. She’s sequestered from her own coverage in the press:
– Unfamiliar with the actual state of the race. The polls are tightening? Or, does she actually believe her own press people? Or, would she lie to foreign leaders about it?
– “I seen a bit about NBC even Fox News wasn’t an ally, an ally, sorry, about as much as usual.” Despite the maybe limited access, she didn’t disagree that Fox is basically the Republican Party’s media arm.
– “I love the documentary they made on your life, you know, Hustler’s “Nailin Palin.” Is it possible she hasn’t heard of the video?!?!
Anyway, this will give Canadians (most of us are glued to this race) grounds to feel absolutely politically superior over Americans for… months. Maybe even years. We still relish the fact that one of our comedians got George W. Bush to say our Prime Minister’s name was “Jean Poutine” in 2000. Note that most of the jokes require knowledge of American and French politics to be amusing, so this will further inflate egos. Most of our politicians are not stupid, although many are morally compromised, douchebags or drunks, so this sense of superiority is actually somewhat justified on our part.
Sarah Palin… for inflating our national Smug Index, we thank you. We will present you with one seal club. Come and beat a baby seal to death any time.
SP Asist: This is Vexy [??].
MA: Hello, Vexy [??]. This is Frank l’ouvrier (Frank the Worker), I’m with president Sarkozy on the line for Governor Palin.
SP Assist: One second please, can you hold on one second please?
MA: No problem.
SP Assist: Hi, I’m going to hand the phone over to her.
MA: Okay thank you very much I’m going to put the president on the line
SP Assist: Ok he’s coming to the line.
SP: This is Sarah.
MA: Yea, Governor Palin?
SP: Hellloooo…(long drawn out, like Well, hellooooo)
MA: Just hold on for President Sarkozy, one moment.
SP [To someone in the room]: Oh, it’s not him yet, I always do that. I’ll just have people hand it to me right when it’s them.
FNS: Yes, hello, Governor Palin? Yes, hello, Mrs. Governor?
SP: Hello this is Sarah., how are you?
FNS: Fine, and you, this is Nicolas Sarkozy speaking, how are you?
SP: Oh…so good, it’s so good to hear you. Thank you for calling us.
FNS: Oh, it’s a pleasure.
SP: Thank you sir, we have such great respect for you, John McCain and I, we love you and thank you for spending a few minutes to talk to me.
FNS: I follow your campaigns closely with my special American Advisor Johnny Hallyday (the most famous French singer, looks like Elvis) you know?
SP: Yes! Good!
FNS: Excellent! Are you confident?
SP: Very confident and we’re thankful that the polls are showing that the race is tightening and–
FNS: Well I know very well that the campaign can be exhausting. How do you feel right now my dear?
SP: Ah, I feel so good. I feel like we’re in a marathon and at the very end of the marathon, you get your second wind and you plow to the finish—
FNS: You see, I got elected in France because I’m real and you seem to be someone who’s real as well.
SP: Yes, yeah, Nicolas, we so appreciate this opportunity.
FNS: You know, I see you as a president, one day, you too.
SP: [Muahaaa…weird laugh], maybe in 8 years. Haha
FNS: Well, ah, I hope for you. You know we have a lot in common because personally one of my favorite activities is to hunt too.
SP: [Giggle]o h very good, we should go hunting together.
FNS: Exactly! We could go try hunting by helicopter, like you did, I never did that.
FNS: Like we say in French “on pourrait tuer des bébés phoques aussi” (we could also kill some baby seals)
SP: [Giggle] Well I think we could have a lot of fun together as we’re getting work done, we can kill two birds with one stone that way.
FNS: I just love killing those animals. Mm, mm. Take away a life, that is so fun!
FNS: I’d really love to go as long as we don’t bring Vice president Cheney, hahaha.
SP: No, I’ll be a careful shot, yes.
FNS: You know we have a lot in common also except that from my house I can see Belgium. That’s kind of less interesting than you.
SP: Well, see, we’re right next door to other countries that we all need to be working with, yes.
FNS: Some people said in the last days, and I thought that was mean, that you weren’t experienced enough in foreign relations, and you know, that’s completely false, that’s the thing I said to my great friend, the Prime Minister of Canada Stef Carse. (a country singer from Quebec who covered Billy Ray Cyrus’ Achy Breaky Heart in French)
SP: Well, he’s doing fine, too, and yeah when you come into a position underestimated, it gives you the opportunity to prove the pundits and the critics wrong. You work that much harder-
FNS: I, I was wondering because you are also next to him, one of my good friends, also, the prime minister of Quebec, Mr. Richard Z. Sirois (a famous Quebec radio host) have you met him recently? Did he come to one of your rallies?
SP: Uh, haven’t seen him at one of the rallies, but it’s been great working with the Canadian officials in my role as governor; we have a great cooperative effort there as we work on all of our resource development projects. You know I look forward to working with you and getting to meet you personally and your beautiful wife, oh my goodness, you’ve added a lot of energy to your country, even, with that beautiful family of yours.
FNS: Thank you very much. You know my wife, Carla, would love to meet you. You know even though she was a bit jealous that I was supposed to speak to you today. [Hahahaha]
SP: [Hahahha] Well give her a big hug from me.
FNS: You know my wife is a popular singer and a former top model and she’s so hot in bed. She even wrote a song for you.
SP: Oh my goodness! I didn’t know that.
FNS: Yes, in French, it’s called « Du rouge à lèvres sur un cochonne » (Lipstick on a smutty girl) or if you prefer in English Joe the Plumber, [sings] It’s his life, Joe the Plumber…”
SP: Maybe she understands some of the unfair criticism but I bet you she is such a hard worker, too, and she realizes you just plow through that criticism like
FNS: I just want to be sure, I don’t’ quite understand the phenomenon “Joe the Plumber,” that’s not your husband, right?
SP: Mmhmm, that’s not my husband but he’s a normal American who just works hard and doesn’t want government to take his money.
FNS: Yes, yes, I understand, we have the equivalent of Joe the Plumber in France, it’s called, “Marcel, the guy with bread under his armpit, oui.”
SP: Right. That’s what it’s all about, is the middle class, and government needing to work for them. You’re a very good example for us here.
FNS: I seen a bit about NBC even Fox News wasn’t an ally, an ally, sorry, about as much as usual.
SP: Yeah that’s what we’re up against.
FNS: I must say, Governor Palin, I love the documentary they made on your life, you know, Hustler’s “Nailin Palin.”
SP: Oh, good, thank you. Yes.
FNS: That was really edgy.
SP: [Laughs] Well good.
FNS: I really love you. And I must say something, so, Governor, you’ve been pranked.
By the Master Avengers. We’re two comedians from Montreal
SP: Oohhh have we been pranked? And what radio station is this? [tries to force herself to sound nice but you can tell she’s pissed]
FNS: This is for CKOI in Montreal.
SP: In Montreal? Tell me the radio station call letters
[SP leaves phone, continuous griping in background, sounds like, “For chrissakes…that was ??? Just a radio station prank…chrissakes…”]
MA: Hello? If one voice can change the world for Obama, one Viagra can change the world for McCain.
[Man’s voice in background: hang up, hang up.]
SP Assist: Hi, I’m sorry, I have to let you go. Um, thank you.