Republican Foreign Policy Derp-bate Liveblogging

Wolf Blitzer : My real name is wolf.

Mitt Romney :Mitt, is my first name too…wait…not it isn’t… “Willard Mitt Romney (born March 12, 1947)”

Hermain Cain : National Security downgraded by killing OBL.

Newt Gingrich : I’m a Heritage and AEI guy from way back, and have been wrong about everthing like they have.

Michelle Bachmann : Crazy Eyes.  Happy Thanksgiving.

Jon Huntsman : Actually has kids in the military…again…by far the best candidate given the short scrift…I think he might actually end up being the nominee..(maybe…not joking).

Question: Obama has stopped a ton of attacks, how do you think we need to give government more power?

Newt : Criminal law vs intelligence gathering…hence Patriot Act is awesome, since it makes them the same.   YOU ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!  Someday..it’s a fact…whole cities gone…not going to change Patriot Act…going to make it strong.  NUKES!!!

Paul : Patriot Act is Unpatriotic and Unamerican.  Newt goes…wha?   Don’t be willing to sacrifice liberty for security.   And that’s the last we’ll hear of him.

Newt Response: McViegh was a success, hence we need to expand government power to watch all of you.

Paul Response : HE’S TALKING ABOUT A POLICE STATE!   (Paul is right).

Bachmann :  We are in a new war.  Wireless functions, hence investigating is ok.  Barack Obama has handed over interrogation to ACLU…she’s lying.   Again.   Maranda warnings are evil, and nobody has rights if suspected of terrorism.

Huntsman : I like liberty.  We are a nation of values.  Find a balancing act.  National effort.  Don’t compartmentalize intelligence.    Good answer…crowd was asleep by the end of it.

Question…TSA Patdowns…

Romney : Let lower risk people go through process faster.    (Perry looks like he want to punch Mitt for talkin’ so smart).    War is different than law enforcement, so we’re always at war with everyone outside the country.

Perry : Criminalize TSA patdowns.  Privatize TSA, UNIONS BAD!   Need to keep Patriot Act, hell, make it stronger.    Collecting intelligence around the world, biggest failure of Osama administration..hehe….

Santorum : Profiling is AWESOME!  Israel does it, let’s do what they do.  Back when I had a job, I voted for privatization (I think he misses the irony here).   Abraham Lincoln did the right thing, but do it globally.

Wolf : Who should we profile?

Santorum : Muslims.  Seriously, mostly young male muslims.

Paul: What if they look like Timothy McVeigh?   You can’t declare war on a tactic.  They are “suspects” not terrorists.   American citizens are subject to assassination (true story).

Cain : (Do you think we should profile muslims?)  No, we should use targeted identification.  Privatization. Patriot Act..if we need to fix it..we will…the terrorists want to kill of us…we should kill all of them first.

Wolf : Seriously…though…you want to profile Muslims?

Cain: Blitz, Wolf, whatever, terrorists, right..whatever…let’s ask the professionals (someone tell him he’s supposed to be one, please).

Question Greg Kagan : OBL was a huge success, but hurt relationship with Pakistan…do you think we should use more drones?  (NO CREDIT FOR KILLING OBL FOR OBAMA NEVER!!  Especially from the AEI).

Huntsman :  Knows more about Pakistan than many people (Cain, take note, this is what experts sound like).   Again, great answer.

Bachmann : (Q: Do you think?…should have stopped there…should we cut off Pakistan?)  Haqanni network, most violent unstable nations that there is.  She then reveals classified information about threats on Pakistan nuclear sites, their numbers, and locations.   A nation that lie…also shares intelligence with us…we need to demand more (like how Iraq needs to pay us back for invading them).   She would continue aid to Pakistan (but end it everywhere else…but Israel).

Perry :  Cut ’em off.  Unless Pakistan pledges full allegiance to U.S, not a dime….wonder if he applies the same thing to Israel.

Bachmann: Call Perry naive, nukes…al qaeda…nuclear bombs…must keep paying them off.

Perry : I never said what I said…I just changed what I said…Afghanistan and India…trade zone…

Bachmann: We’re not writing blank checks (yes…she took the time to call out someone else’s hyperbole).

Q: Afghanistan…what’s the point?

Romney : Can’t just dump everyone off and pull up stakes.  American is more popular in Pakistan, than Congress is in America (true story).

Huntsman :  We need to pull out.  We need to have a full honest conversation…MENTIONS HOW WE KILLED BIN LADEN…this is why he keeps losing…waaaay too honest for this crowd.

Romeny: Smartass question.

Huntsman: Were you not listening?  Slam down.

Romney : …and the commanders on they ground…say something…so we can’t do..on this.   Leaving would endanger sacrifice…not sure he understand how that works.

Huntsman : May I remind you, we are runing for Commander in Chief…not to take orders from commanders on the ground.

Romney: Of course I agree with him….I didn’t say that…I think both things…

Newt : How long do I get to blather?   Attacks Bin Laden killing…and how we should be mad at Pakistan for hiding Bin Laden from Bush.    Threaten them if they don’t kill people we want dead.

Santorum : I AGREE WITH RON PAUL.  Terrorism is a tactic.  We want to kill (radical) Islam.  Jesus will lead us to victory over Islam.  We are the strong horse.  We will fight to the death, always and forever.

Commercial Break

Shoot…missed the Israel stuff…Paul calls them out for having nukes.

Cain : Qualifies something I missed.  We should help Israel to shoot Iran for Aghanistan.

Q: Another AEI flack.  Sanctions havent’ stopped Iraq from getting nuked, how bad to sanctions suck?

Perry :  Sanction Iranian central bank.  Then they will deal with us…Syria…No-fly zone over Syria and sanction Iran…then they will get we want war, now!

Newt : (Q: Should we sanction Iran and make energy expensive?)  Hell yea, and and then we tell Europe they can buy our non-existent extra oil.  We could break Iran in a year, by sabotaging their civilian oil industry.

Bachmann : Yea, I like all that.  Obama hates the U.S. and wants them to win us.  Israel has to strike Israel because Iran wants to eradicate off the face of the earth, and then use the same weapon to do the same thing to the U.S., so it’s Obama fault the whole world was destroyed!

Paul Wolfowitz question…it’s not about Iraq….praises Bush on AIDS in Africa…this guy…he’s evil…got fired from his last job for horrid money handling…now CNN is letting him ask questions…unbelievable…anybody who call this media “liberal” is retarded.  This DEBATE IS RUN BY NEOCONS.

Santorum :  Something sounded nice.

Cain :(Q: Can we keep helping people?)  It might be, it might not, I’m going to look into it, at some point, I guess.

Paul : You take money from poor people in this country (who don’t pay federal income taxes according to the last debate) and give it to rich people (dying of AIDs in poverty in Africa) on other countries which sucks…wild rant…

Romney : Obamacare is horrible, kill it to save Americans.

Paul: Calls b.s. on the deficit committee.

Romney : Silly face.  Then talks about all the spending cuts the Obama administration is making…which are now horrible…it seems.  Romeny think we should we should indict Aghmedinde for the Genocide Convention…and stick by Israel…my first trip is to Israel to pay homage to the people who really matter in this primary fight.

Question from another neocon nutjob:  How horrible is Obama and will you now say that cutting military spending is unAmerican?

Newt : Let me talk about something else.  We beat the Nazis, Japanese and something else in under four years (umm, how long we been in Iraq?)…we could collapse world oil markets if we wanted USING SIX SIGMA!!   Oh jeez.

Also…regime change in Iran…and it would be better to go to war for Israel than make them fight for themselves (’cause they crazy and they got nukes).

Huntsman: No one trusts anyone (can’t imagine why).   The problem is we can’t have an intellectually honest conversation (again…this is why he just needs to change parties and join the thinkers).

==

That’s it for me folks

It’s all the derp I can handle.

UPDATE:  AAAARGH.  Bachmann actually used the exact same “blank check” hyperbole to attack Obama.  The idiocy…it actually burns.

—-

Final update, for now.  I was reading some reviews of the debate and someone else noted something.  While the Department of Defense considers Global Climate Change to be a serious security threat to the United States over the next 50 years (read this link for how)*….none of the candidates mentioned it, and only one is on record (consistently) as believing it exists and we should do something at some point about it.

 

*

The report explores how such an abrupt climate change scenario could potentially
de-stabilize the geo-political environment, leading to skirmishes, battles, and even
war due to resource constraints such as:

  1. Food shortages due to decreases in net global agricultural production
  2. Decreased availability and quality of fresh water in key regions due to shifted precipitation patters, causing more frequent floods and droughts
  3. Disrupted access to energy supplies due to extensive sea ice and storminess

As global and local carrying capacities are reduced, tensions could mount around the world, leading to two fundamental strategies: defensive and offensive. Nations with the resources to do so may build virtual fortresses around their countries, preserving resources for themselves. Less fortunate nations especially those with ancient enmities with their neighbors, may initiate in struggles for access to food, clean water, or energy. Unlikely alliances could be formed as defense priorities shift and the goal is resources for survival rather than religion, ideology, or national honor. This scenario poses new challenges for the United States, and suggests several steps to be taken:

  1. Improve predictive climate models to allow investigation of a wider range of scenarios and to anticipate how and where changes could occur
  2. Assemble comprehensive predictive models of the potential impacts of abrupt climate change to improve projections of how climate could influence food, water, and energy
  3. Create vulnerability metrics to anticipate which countries are most vulnerable to climate change and therefore, could contribute materially to an increasingly disorderly and potentially violent world.
  4. Identify no-regrets strategies such as enhancing capabilities for watermanagement
  5. Rehearse adaptive responses
  6. Explore local implications
  7. Explore geo-engineering options that control the climate.

 

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